Sunday wanders by

ok.. this is a long long and very bad day. How could i have wasted the day!!! actually haha.. not hat much of a waste lah... managed to study a few topics of maths.. namely 1st order differential equations and complex numbers... did a bit of physics... realised that i realli realli suck at it.. haha... thats it!!! terrible... but for some reason, i am like a little bit off track onli.. haha...

Ok.. so yesterday i went to the scholars talks... haha.. what the hell.. the first part was quite interesting lah.. not too bad at all.. u see, they talked abt the us and uk schs... haha.... very very gd... but too many stuff to write lah so i will spare u... but i must say that the british guy was realli gd... he was a gd speaker... he did a few things that i must learn from. First, he grabbed our attentions by making us laugh! Shrek! tactless laugh! and the photographer.. haha.. thats gd... Secondly, he made repetitive emphasis on his webby... www.educationuk.org.sg. So i can still remember... see how gd that is? learnt some stuff huh?... The other american was more formal. But i will think that being a student, she was targeting the wrong audience. We want fun. UK sounds more fun.

Ok... the other thing i wanted to say was that i realise that many ppl are either not serious with scholarships or they are immatured... So many left before hand lah.. ok.. are u seriously saying that it is not interesting? i thot it was! it teaches u a lot of things. not just scholarships. but how ppl organise the place. the food? the breaks? the speeches? time line... so much to learn... i left early too lah.. cos i had enuff knowledge to suan the guy who was giving the motivation speech... pls.. u can ask yk.. i predicted everything he did... :p... so in the edn, spent time in MPH looking thrg some books... not much to do what... aiayh.. need to go mug liao... not much work done today.. sian... NITEZ!

Marriage and more...

HAHA... today was realli fun!!! yah!!! managed to get thrg the day of sch.. but what was real fun was that i played bball!!! yesh!!! so fun!! yah.. haha... first played with rich and yq then played with becky, brenda and audrey.. haha... yah!!! i feel that i have improved a lot... more accurate and can fade away a bit.. so yah.. all thx to alex... taught me how to shoot properly... then once i got used to it, i managed to play well... haha... then also now can lay up a bit.. haha... gd gd.... train a bit more.. and improve a bit more... jia you.. haha...

k.. i was thinking abt sch work today... yah its like completely changed from sec sch... i use to study a lot... a lot... now i hardly study... and its because i have more freedom to do what i want, when i want... and yah... i think when i comes to this aspect in life, i need to learn to be more matured abt it... learn to embrace my freedom and manage my time well... yah... so thats wat i'm goin to do from today onwards... no matter how tiring its goin to get, i will get it done..

Next thing i was thinking abt... marriage.. cos ms alice tan was toking abt it during ME... so yah.. she asked did we noe what was marriage abt?? haha... yah sure we all noe what is marriage abt... but do we understand it.. thats the real qn... do we understand it??? i was thinking to myself then that no one in the room did... not even ms tan... can anyone who hasnt experienced marriage truly understand it?? i dun think so... and thats what i find is the beauty of it... we all noe that marriage is not all a bed of roses... its hard...(how hard i have no idea)... but its hard... and yet, two totally ignorant ppl are willing to risk it all to marry.... and i guess thats what's so special abt it... moving into something u cannot see or hear... cannot touch or fully comprehend... and yet, because u love the other person so much, u are willing to risk it all... thats how a marriage bonds two ppl together.

She also said something else... or rather she reminded us that only 80% of us are goin to get married... haha... i was asking myself which side i would be on... seriously, if u ask me... i will love to have a family... i can say with all faith that i'm a family person... but frankly, when i look at others, i realli dun noe... so i decided to myself that if the opportunity comes, i will try... but frankly... my tries have not been very successful haha!!!!... anyway.. yah so i willing to leave a life as a single... a life of celibacy... if necessary... then i have to learn to be independent... yah... thats a real big change for a guy who was crazy abt relationships... haha.. in its own right... but yah... i guess reality realli sank in..

OH!!! i just remembered what xh told me... (no offense dude...) he said that no one is out of another person's league.. haha... seriously.. if u ask me.. there's always some one who is out of ur league... look its like econs... she has a better choice... why in the world is she goin to go for u unless like the rest of the world died... (yah she probably kill herself as well)... but yah lets face it... there is lah... she's not goin to give up the best product for the alternative.. damn opportunity cost... haha... think abt it... love hurts... haha... NITEZ

Missed you...

WAH!!! so long never blog liao... have missed u quite a bit.. actually today also cannot blog for long... just had to say something... haha... and also that i think i wouldnt be blogging for a very very long time until prelims are over... :( cos i have to study hard... thats more important...

Ok... today ah... bish bish... learning fest.. aiyah nothing much to say abt that.. jst very sian... slpt thrg the tagalog thing... haha... who cares rite... what i wanted to tok abt is what happened in the afternoon.. wah lao.. u noe hor... because lx asked me to "help out" with the ocip thing rite, i pon the URA visit... wat the hell!!! in the end, kena tua... she actually dun need me.. then somemore i made my way all the way down to sch... yah i wasnt very happi lah.. but i noe its not their fault.. but i cant help feeling unhappy... like its wasting my time lah.. plus somemore, ziwan did a few things to make me very very DU LIAN a few days back so i'm like all the more unhappy esp since she is logistics ic... u noe hor.. i'm more and more feeling like she isnt exactly as nice as i thot she was lah... after one whole yr... yah i mean sometimes she's very insensitive lah.. i noe that as a guy i shldnt mind lah.. and i dun seriously... but she had to hti that rawest of nerves... that makes me super DU LIAN... but ok.. its ok.. nvm... but if she does it too often, one day, i will just scold her.. and trust me... if i'm pissed and wanna scold someone, that person will probably hate me for life... NITEZ

Shortest blog yet

Aiyo.. today is a damn damn boring day... nothing happened lah.. just felt very happi and relaxed.. i think i'm screwed man... no motivation to study... not yet at least... rite now waiting for peeps to come online and maybe a game of something... haha... aiyah.. played frisbee today lor... nothing much... oh... poning sch to study at home tml.. haha.. NITEZ!!!

Today is a HAPPY day!!!

Ok.. i have to start by saying that i made her laugh!!! haha... second day in a row... NO!!! its not who u think and i have no erm... "designs'? on her.. just like her smile... hahaha... :p... yah.. just had to start by saying that...

Ok.. so lets start from the beginning.. woke up today... slpy like dun what like that.. what the dotz... how am i goin to survive like this... damn tired lah... but i hope i can carry on.. i'm not exactly on target leh.. and i'm getting realli realli worried... but there's nothing much i can do.. i just cant seem to find the time... maybe its time to start mugging everywhere lah... maybe i dun noe.. will see how... ok.. so time to start... haha

Fairly mundane day bah... dun noe why, but i feel happi!!! its a very very very good thing though.. just feel happy lah..cos the world doesnt seem so stressed these days... and i can smile more.. haha... quite encouraged by wat the j1s wrote... haha... though i noe that i can only truly trust Amos' comment cos he knew me long enuff... haha... erm.. refering to the notes they gave us during farewell...

i've been very very hungry the whole day... why ah??? can someone explain to me?? i dun noe why leh... some weird weird reason lah... haha... i ps the odacers to eat subway with garrel, yd, yk, bran. Met ant and gang there lah... but haha... yah didnt realli tok to them... :p... wah kow!! the shinling.. is very very nice... love the chicken.. will try the mee sua with wg one of these days.. hopefully can get ant to come along.. haha.. can steal money from him... :p... haha... oh well... see how lah...

Today.. i will spare u the philosophy crap... not very in the mood.. wanna get on with mugging.. cos i have a milion ton of work to finish... tonite no need slp liao lah!! sian... haha.. but yah... get this yr over with... it will all the ok.. after all.. everything ends well rite? cos if it aint well... it aint over... NITEZ!!!

Wishing on the stars...

Yesh... finally got the opportunity to blog again.. its been a long time.. actually only two days lah... cos got odac and stuff mahz... then sunday was bloggin on the odac blog.. a supa dupa long one so no time to blog on my own... haha... well i guess i wont tok abt the past two days, instead i will talk abt today...

Ok... today happi man.. cos of CLAO listening, got to be released early lah.. like 1245... but sadly.. econs post mortem.. ahaha... until 2 plus... sianz lah... but actually i'm quite happilah.. cos i gotback my paper!!! its not very very very fantastic lah... 58.333... but its gd enuff cos i wasnt harboring a lot fo hope for it anyway... in any case... i top the class for econs lah... so easy to top.. haha... not that they are dumb lah.. but that i lucky to choose a qn that i knew inside out... haha... so ok lah.. not that bad...

YESH!!! BBALL TODAY!!! haha... i played one of my best games lah... kept scoring cos i was somehow accurate today.. haha... also, i learn to lay up finally.. all thx to jia ming... taught me how to do it... haha... windmill.. can do a half windmill.. but dont wry.. will train... until can do a double windmill... hahaha.... That realli made my day lah...

Then today, HF msged me.. tell me she lost her physics bk.. i was like haha... HOW LUCKY!!! cos a few mths back rite, i kop someone's bk from the odac table lah.. its some guy;s one.. but i dun think its an odacer's one lah... but its ok.. who cares.... haha.... so i was like thinking to myself shld i or shld i not copy the notes for her.. haha... ok.. so i decided i shld lah... although i msged her to ask if she wanted me too, and obviously she declined the offer... i still did it lah.. u can imagine lah... i spent the last 3 hrs doing it... will just be wasting her time.. anyway, i wanted to study that topic too.. so kill two birds with one stone lah... wanted to do the tutorials for her too lah.. but i didnt have all the full answers so i didnt dare... cos in case i give her wrong answers, i die lah... haha.. but i will bluff her say that i always update the other book lah.. so she dun think that i erm.. have an ulterior motive... haha... although i noe her well enuff to say that she wouldnt think that way lah...

Ok for the philosophical part.. i will now tok abt what i tok abt with Hong Ming over lunch (subway)... We were toking abt gals being more matured than guys... if u ask me rite, i think thats nonsense lah... ok... i can truly say that guys are a lot more playful than gals lah... without doubt, we will die to play ball or something, but i think maturity is not defined as playfulness... Maturity is being responsible for ur actions.. thinking things thrg thoroughly before acting.. and being abt to exercise full self control... thats maturity... and frankly speaking, i dun see how gals differ a lot from guys... in fact, in many cases, i feel that guys are more matured... why? ok.. i noe this is generalising but.. just look at my class lah... the gals ah.. most of them realli ah... they do what they like when they like... without thinking abt consequences or respect... esp the college day, ALL the gals pon lah.. thats not very impressive to me.. and if they read this, they willblow their top... and thats another sign of immaturity... if u cannot take criticism, u cannot improve... learn to accept it and deal with it... its ok to feel hurt by it.. but handle it positively rather than negatively... thats what maturity is lah... I'm not saying that i'm this super matured person and an expert in this field lah.. but yesh i do hold myself as a slightly more matured person... and i do sometimes allow leeway for myself to be immatured cos it can bring fun to u and the people around.. that is of cos, after calculated risk.. and making sure that what i do, will have no severe repercussions of cos..

Well now.. i think thats enuff toking for one day.. gotta type out my econs essay... NITEZ...

Rock Climbing roxs...

YESH!!! today went to rock climb... finally... after so long.. haha... damn enjoyable lah.. went with jia de, xie heng and yan yi... haha... so fun.. yah... how shall i begin my story... yah we arrived there at like 1 plus? then started climbing lor... kinda scary belaying jiade cos its like he is much heavier then me and i kinda fly when he falls... so yah... but still manage to stay down lah... i wonder how u noe? law of physics doesnt realli makes sense liao.. hmm.. haha... OK!!! must say that i accomplished what i set out to do today.. to conquer that over hang... yesh! although there wasnt much skill invloved, just pure brute strength... haha... was bascially hanging and climbing with just my hands lah.. haha... quite cool though i must say.. i saw a few very shocked and impressed faces... especially one of the ladies... she was like mouthing the word "woah"... haha... show off? no!!! just wanted to prove i can do it...

What was kinda got me thinking was when jiade said i was strong lah... i was like erm.. ok.. thx... cos i was thinking to myself, am i realli strong? yah i was fat lah... so that probably made me stronger by a bit more... especially since i lost a lot of weight. i'm certainly not light.. so that cant be the case... what i think makes me do it is the determination that drives me and the sense of fear that i have developed... why sense of fear? cos fear will always be present.. whether u like it or not... but learning to accept it and learning to focus and tap on its strenght is important... knowing what fears are there, what are the risks involved and daring to take that big step is important... fearing fear... is perhaps as dangerous as to fear fearing... haha... think abt it...

Ok based on today? missed bball again!!! sian!!! i wanna play bball... but ok.. made up for the exercise by rock climbing so its ok.. never mind... what i damn pissed is that my friends used the lotion we bought for sarah... not a lot lah.. but to play with it... so pai seh... how to give sarah... but how not to give her.. so hopefully she will never ever see this entry and hoping if she does, she's in africa or something... haha... of cos i will kill my frens... once As are over....haha... aiyah.. lazy to write more.. so much.. haha... NITEZ

From the beginning

ok.. lets start from the beginning of today bah... haha... today the council stepped down... after a very hard long yr in office they finally can rest and get down to studying.. and thats a gd thing.. i must say that the ceremony was very sad lah... yah how they asked them to take off their badges yah? quite sad... but what i must say is that there is no such thing as a never ending story... all gd things must come to an end... and that struck me pretty hard becos i realise that i was so gd at what i was doin in the past... like studying and ncc and all.. that i was so afraid of change... so afraid that i cant handle new things... i need to learn to embrace it more.. with confidence.. becos i noe i can.. i must...

Day went fairly monotonous bah.. not much happening.. not much moving... bascially i think the sch's timetable is a bit screwed... 6 periods non stop is mad... i can barely concentrate lah... dotz... by the time econs came, i was basically dying or hunger and tiredness... haha... not much i can do abt it though.. just gotta learn to live with it.. after all its only a short time more... which is kinda sad lah.. u see.. i've been a saint all my life.. and i forever will be... but to be called an ex-saint seem so surreal.. as much as the sch is crappy at times, i nonetheless love it... it was where i grew up in.. like my second home.. where my solace truly lay... but like i said just now.. its time to change... time to differ from the norm... the comfort zone has to be broken.. so why not now?

I think i may not blog so often liao.. may wanna spend more time studying... haha.. which is crazy lah.. considering the fact that i just started.. haha... but hey... As more important rite? so dun feel sad if i dun blog.. haha... like anyone's reading like that...

something i think i ought to comment abt... the NKF thing... yah... erm.. today i read an article abt how 18000 ppl wanted the ceo to resign... As much as i feel like he is a bad guy rite, i must say that we cant judge solely on this one action... u see rite, if the whole board and NKF are on his side, he cant be that bad rite? of cos there maybe politics involved in why they backed him up rite, but we could give him a small benefit of the doubt... maybe he is a hardworker... i mean if i were to offer u 1.8 million dollars will u reject? Greed is the root of all evil.. yesh that is true... but sometimes, if we can just give ppl a second chance, u can see an amazing change in the person.. one that will shock and surprise u... for the better that is... yah its true.. i shld noe.. haha... NITEZ!!!

Just another day as usual

BISH BISH BISH!!! life is such a drag.. haha... i am bogged down by this enormous amt of work that i can barely stand up... no slp to nite.. i will get no slp tonite...

Ok.. today was the odac thing lah... the team building thing... i was pretty disappointed that no one informed me of anything lah.. like i'm not part of odac lah... i noe that its probably cos they didnt realise it lah.. but haha... seriously speaking... if boss didnt noe abt it rite... someone would have told her or reminded her... haha.. so i guess u can get the hint rite? Never mind lah... i'm out of it anyway.. so its ok... whats more important to me is i do a proper hand over... obviously amos doesnt realise his importance... i noe that QM is not a very big deal lah.. but seriously speaking, i feel that QM is one of the most undervalued jobs in the work... look at the army lah... who cares a shit abt the G4 officer.. until there is like a war lah... then without G4 u can just die in hell... i need to make Amos noe that.. i dun want him to go thrg what i did... and regret as much as i did.... help me man...

Was thinking to my self today... wat i'm looking for in life... wat am i aiming to do and what are the obstacles in my way... so i set down thinking.... i'm aiming for a normal life.. just a normal life... a job... a wife.. kids... car house.. yada.... then i realise that i'm not asking for enuff... its like so mundane... wat i reali want is a life that is special.. out of the ordinary... i wana be gd at something.. wanna be somebody... and u noe what... thats where it all boils down to studying man... mugging.. and hoping praying wishing my wishes will all come true... My obstacles?? i want recognistion... praises... encouragement... and then i realise again... thats not goin to come all the time... look.. i was recognised for what i did in ncc... but not in odac... rather then be consumed in meaningless self pity, why not improve on it... encourage myself.. and get on with life... so thats wat i'm goin to do... haha... i'm goin to tell myself every day life is great... no matter what... even if the sky falls down... my world will never again be upside down.. and forget the bgr thing... just shave bald and be a monk man!!! cos my fren... remember today.. because today, life is gd...

Ok.. now i will tok abt the day... the day has been great.. got back gp.. 54... not very gd... but heck it!!!! i noe where i went wrong so i came up gd... who cares... will do well for prelims.... thats the way it is... live life a day at a time... but plan for the future lah.. haha... basically... nothing special lah.. just like all my other days... thats my life... slp eat bathe mug shit... but its goin to be fine... y? cos its goin to be just fine... i'm loving it.... NITEZ!!!

One wk on...

Sighz... got back chem today.. very very very disappointing.. 55... D lah... not what i was hoping for.. but in a way, i'm actually quite happi for it.. its like a wake up call lah... knock knock.. 7wks to prelims.. hahaha... and i found out my problems.. mostly caused by conceptual errors... so that can be easily rectified lah.. so no hard feelings.. will be back with a vengence... tml getting back gp.. hoping to do well... i felt i did not back.. but hey!! i'm not a gal rite?

Ok.. what i've been waiting all day to blog abt... what i did for ME... Moral education that is... haha... we talked abt marriage. haha.. u noe what the gals were like saying?? they want a guy who can cook and willing to do the household chores.. haha.. that sounds like me lah.. but i mean.. is that seriously what u are looking for in a person??? must as well get a maid rite? yah i mean sure its a plus if the person is willing to do it lah.. but is that what u are looking for?? see if u can understnad my logic... the gal that i will fall head over heels in love with, will be someone who i dun have to spell out specifically that she must do the work too.. but the thing is that, there is that character in her that she will want to do it with me too... thats wat i wanna look for in a gal.. a friend to do stuff with not just another maid.. haha... and yah.. i can cook.. so she doesnt realli need to noe.. but i hope she learns.. so we can do it together!!! haha...

The other thing i was thinking abt is the fact that 20 % of ppl live in singlehood... sighz... secretly, i'm kinda afraid that i will land up in that zone... sadly... haha... yah i have sorta an inferior complex lah.. sure i;m confident in every single aspect of life.. i just cant be confident in this area.. y?? i wanna noe too.. i just feel i dun have much to offer to the other someone... i realli realli realli wanna be proved so very very wrong.. but it doesnt seem that way now... haha... hoping.. praying.. thats all i can do...

Another thing that struck me was wat she said... "onli someone who has been loved unconditionally, can realli love unconditionally..." i was loved unconditionally once.. and still am... by who?? by god!!! he has never ever failed me before.. i noe it seems cliche but the fact is... my life is so smooth and perfect as compared to so many that something tells me that it cant be natural. And he has never asked for anything in return... haha... love him...and i noe he loves me too....

Pray for me kz?? and pray for my future... hopefully it will remain as wonderful as it is.. find a great job... get a nice gal... get great grades.. and be fitter, faster better me... NITEZ

Shocking revelations!!

Haha... got something to say.. today hor.. when i went for chem lecture rite.. i was late lah.. cos stomache mah so u noe... haha.. then as i was walking up the stairs rite.. i saw hui ping lah.. hah.. then she was smiling lah.. ok.. i noe this sounds weird but yah it kinda set the tone of my day lah.. brightened it up lah... NO LAH!!! i dun like her in that way lah.. just think she has a nice smile lah.. eyes big big one... when she smile it like twinkles.. haha... so yah have been basically been a nice day for me lah... just cant stop thinking abt it.. haha.. oops...

Aiyah.. but today got a few unhappy things lah.. firstly... wah lao... PHYSICS!!! what the hell... got 66... like shit lah... its like a B and i'm an S paper student lah.. how can i expect something like that... thats terrible lah... but at least there was a consolation... haha top maths for my class 84!!! finally lah.... last time was always taken by jia ming or richard.. now its MINE!!! WUAHAHA.... and i intend to keep it that way.. haha... not much hope for econs or chem lah.. but basically, i wasnt realli intending to do too well for BT2 anyway... i needed a wake up call desperately... hopefully it will work...

Yah, i noe that some ppl out there will say.. why u so unhappy.. A and B leh!!! thats fantastic liao lor... but please lah.. look at ppl like hui han... 95 or maths and 80 for physics lah!!! also maths and physics s paper what... how can i lose out like that?? But i'm one of the the better students in class rite?? aiyah.. dun u get it?? why compare urself to the average when u wanna be one of the best?? if i wannabe one of the best i shld compare with the best rite??? look at that guy who got 7 distinctions man!!! thats a guy... i shld aim to be like him... not just 3 distinctions... anyway, whats there to lose?? onli more to gain... so this time i dun do so well... nvm... i promise u... i will be back... and this time i will be back so hard that they wont noe what hit them.. just like i did in sec sch.. i will do it here... and i will do no less man... watch me pop out of no where and watch me do what they say is impossible... what makes me so sure i can do it??? simply because i want what everyone wants... just that i want it a lot more.. i wanna do well.. and i wanna be the best.. and i WILL be the best... no matter what ppl say... i will and i can... trust me...

Ok enuff of that... today i handed down the store.. u noe rite, having spent so much time in the store, u will think i have some attachment to it rite? but no leh.. i was not unhappy.. on the contrary, i was totally relieved... no more burdens... of cos i will go back and help lah.. i feel a sense of responsibilty... haha... responsibilty... my gift and my curse... stupid lah... alwasy doin things because of responsibility... sometimes i realli feel i can be less selfless and care more for myself.. i always put others before me... and that kinda puts me in a lot of trouble... gd thing?? maybe?? bad thing?? maybe... i dun noe... haha... i just have to learn to live with it... haha....

Aiyah.. tml probably getting back GP... hoping i did well.. haha... enuff for one nite.... pray for me kz?? NITEZ

SUNDAY!!!

HAHA.... today.. sunday... woke up at like 930.. supa late.. for me lah.. although most guys waste their mornings away in slumber land.. haha i usually wake up at 7-8... finally got down to planning my studies... then i was like... WTH!!! which idiot in MOE came up with the idea of having students revise 12 topics in one wk??? yesh.. thats how many topics i have to accomplish EACH WK.... for the NEXT 9 WKS... man goodness lah... they are crazy... if i could study 12 topics in a wk, i wont be here rite?? BUT!!! (seems like thers always a but...) love the challenge.. i noe if i can do it.. i can do well for As... so must work hard hard and harder...

Mugged the whole day away.. so haha... not much to write abt today though... haha... so time for my philosophy section of my blog... Why do I mug so hard.. haha... tats what my fren just asked me today... whats my motivation... i guess i always tell ppl that its because i noe that my future depends on it lah.. i mean thats true... i realli do believe in it... but, there's more to it than just that... U see... i'm a born loser.. realli... u shld see what shit i've been thrg in Primary school. i was a FUD... FAT... UGLY... DUMB... realli.. and though they think i dint noe, i do.. they always despised me... even the teachers... how i noe??? the stares? the mummuring... yesh i'm dumb... but i wasnt a moron... the big blow came in PSLE... wat the hell.. i got 226... its a HUGE blow when u were aiming for 286!!! stupid man.. sigh... thats when i realise that if i didnt do something abt my life, i'm goin to be in serious shit... So i shaped up in secondary school... Not in size lah.. but in brains lah... worked my butt off to get into the top class and worked that over worked butt to get into top ten in my class... did it in the end.. was top ten in the school!! yesh!!! then i came to JC... for the first time in my life.. i felt that i needed to do something abt my weight... my fitness... so i ran like mad... exercised... my life was basically running for the first three mths... until i got down to my present size!!! And that made me feel so gd!!! so what drives me on?? the fear of becoming a loser again.. thats what drives me on... and no one will understand unless they've been there.. no one.. haha...

As for the ugly problem.. well i dun realli regard myself as hideous ugly... just not gd looking ugly.. haha... well there's nothing much i can do abt it rite?? in a way its also a gd thing lah.. u see.. so many ppl are so shallow.. for me.. i noe that at least the gal who likes me will like me for who i am and not how i look like... Blessing in disguise?? maybe not lah.. probably more of a silver lining in each cloud... haha... NITEZ

Flu Blues

Aiyo.. today... flu... got it from somewhere... haha... onli person i noe who has it is wc lah.. but doubt she is the one... i'm so weak man... cannot fall sick.. not until As are over... must be able to go to school... thats why i pity yd.. he got chicken poxs and liddat ah.. he missed a lot on sch work... haha... too bad lor... as for me, fever lah.. last nite a bit the cold... even with blanket.. so no choice.. haha... took a beaflu and tried to slp...

Then this morning, got the physics s paper training. aiyo... kinda wondering what i got myself into.. its realli tough... can hardly do it lah... dotz... but must press on... i think i can forget abt my scholarship liao.. haha... no skills... no brains.. no looks.. take what scholarship... will also help to ease some of the pressue of my back... just aiming to get four As can liao.. haha... oh yah.. and i dun noe anyone there other than K7.. so haha... kinda boring and weird... haha...

Today was thinking abt what i've missed out becos of mugging... sighz... u noe how they always say that study is the most important?? i realli wonder how true it is... basically i have nothing to compare it to lah.. so i dun noe... i feel kinda like tired of studying... i mean.. if u do it for like 1 or 2 yrs, its ok lah... u can still carry on.. but like now its extending into its 4th yr... getting drier by the min.. and the amt of information i have to cramp is enormous... totally unforgiving... i dun realli have a choice lah though... must study... so yah.. hopefully i can acoomplish what i need to... just three four mths maybe?? it will all the over soon... I'm not afraid of NS... in fact i think i love it.. haha.. not the pain or the suffering... no i'm not that sadistic lah... its the impression i give ppl though.. i dun realli like the pain... what i do like is the company and the joy of sticking together thrg thck and thin bah... true bonds are forged in that way.. realli.. i noe... all in all... just have to carry on mugging lah... no way out of that...

Was reading the news just now... the London bombings realli bothered me... i noe we cant expect complete peace in the world lah.. but sighz.. so much chaos... all boils down to religion.. how long will it take man to see that the church or the koran or whatever for that matter doesnt realli matter?? its man made... god is god... he doesnt need to use man to tell us... he IS telling us what we need to noe everyday of our lives... thrg what we do... what we see.. what we experienced... when we open our eyes one day.. we will finally learn that religion is but one thing.. and onli one thing alone... the love of god... that day will come.. i'm sure.. but it wont be anytime soon.... sighz.... Nitez...

Day of reckoning

Today happy sia... gotta go to school late.. can go at 1145 cos its the college day mah.... BUT!!!! got that dumb NE survey lah... i mean its gd that the govt wanna noe, but of all days, the sch chose to do it on college day... at 1030!!! argh!!! haha... they actually dun realli have a choice lah if not today then when?? haha... at least its beta than for wc, anthony and wg rite?? dun take econs so come so early for no reason.. haha... ahmad even beta still sia... no chem.. so he came onli for NE survey and maths.. dotz...

Then today quite farnie lah... haha... cos wc said something abt her two frens in sa that she is very happi to have had... then hf told wc " ai... one of them is me rite???" wc said no lah.... hf must have felt a bit pai seh lah but haha... secretly i think hf is lah.. she and wc are pretty close... same sch too wat....

WAH!!! must divert a bit... was reading wc's blog lah... haha.... didnt noe that wc was so matured thinking yah... haha... always thot she was those a bit less matured gals in class... haha.... but its hard to tell lah... haha... glad she changed for the beta sia... got me thinking abt stuff too... i totally understand what she was goin thrg... totally man.. cos in a way i'm still like that lah... but the fact is i cannot do studies and go play at the same time.. i have to make a sacrifice and that must be playing... thats why i only have fun during holidays... studies first.. the rest can wait... life is like chopping down a tree.... u need to spend 20 yrs sharpening the blade so u can chop it down easily. But, yah.. i do wish to have a different life... but i noe thats no longer a choice now so why realli worry too much abt it.

ok.. then got the college day.. was telling my frens how i was goin to be one of the 7 distinction ppls... i wasnt joking.. serious... i do wanna be there... not to show off lah... but just to prove to myself that i can be there. Oh... all the gals disappeared lah.. dotz... thot they were more matured??? would be poning with no valid reasons?? yah lah i noe i also said i would pon lah... but thats just for pure fun... i wouldnt pon one... so then yizhi called me to collect chem notes... anthony and wg laughed at me for being exploited by the gals lah.. i was like -_-!!! yah lah i noe that a lot of times the gals just like make use of me lah... odac or class... but aiyah its ok... seriously... just doin them a favour mahz.... after all... shldnt we be gentlemanly?? haha... dotz...

then after that rite... went to the PS... the gang wanted to watch Fantastic 4... but in the end no seats.. haha.. so went to KFC and eat.. wah!!! so fattening lah!!!! oil is like a lot.. but aiyah dun care lah.. wanted to put on weight anyway.... but must go run like mad liao... OH YAH... i told wg that the gals always say guys look at gals ALL THE TIME... then he was like "yah man i totally agree..." i was like -_-..... no we dun??? at least i dun lah unless that gal just happens to be rite in my face lah... but everyone does that.... even gals... haha... maybe they say i'm not a guy man.. i dun care... i'm not desperate... haha...

Before i end today, i wanna praise someone... mr lim... i think he's realli one fantastic guy... seriously... he's like my idol lah... if i could be just half the person he is, i would be very very successful... he realli noes how to care for his "followers".... he is genuinely concerned for us lah.. he will make a great leader...and he realli help green club do a lot of stuff lah... laison with ppl... get contacts... create events... sighz.... if i was given pres or outdoor pres, i would have done a lot more... sighz... they say dun blame on ur post... but aiyah... stores had a lot of problems to settle.. and i had to spend a lot of time on it... so yah... but its ok... cos its over... just pray i can be like mr lim soon.. haha... nitez...

Mr lonely

aiyo... today dun noe why feel so melancholic... just it was like a premonition bah... got back my chem MCQ today... only 13 leh!!! bish bish... i noe some ppl tell me that i shld be satisfied abt it lah... but seriously man... i'm an S paper student... i'm not expecting something so bad out from me lah!!! what abt my scholarship... and that got me thinking... i sometimes qn my sanity... why on earth did i choose to take up two s papers?? for a scholarship?? that crazy lah... look at my pw and chinese... slog my butt off anf still got 2 lah... to be frank, pw i was realli prepared to put it down lah... i seriously dun realli need it very very much.. but.. i was in a grp where ppl didnt wanna get things done... if i didnt do it, who will??? can bei ning handle it alone?? i dun think so... so i cant just watch them go down rite?? i'm not trying to play hero here. In fact, no one will ever noe why i did wat i did lah... i didnt do it for me.. i did it for them... but sadly, i only got a 2... and i neglected odac so mr lam isnt too happi. not hoping for a gd testimonial any more.. sighz... there goes the scholarship... will still try for it lah... but man... unless i do supa well for the interview, they will never accept me lah... i noe... only way i can make up for it, is to do supa well for the As... MUST get 4As and 2 s paper distinction... even if it drives me mad... i cannot let myself down again... sighz....
Feeling very lonely the whole day... its like there is something missing in my life... its like kinda difficult trying to get on with life alone u noe?? like... i noe my parents care for me lah.. but they dun noe what i'm goin thrg... sure they may have gone thrg what i did... but thats like so long ago.. they forgot what i feels like... I'm very alone... no one to turn to, no one to confide in... no one to tell me that i can carry on... i tried goin on like that from sec 3... but its like getting harder and harder to do so... i will face it... i'm sure... the choice to live a happy-go-lucky life is no longer a choice of mine... when i decided to become a mugger... i knew that this was the life i was goin to face.. for my future i will endure... but no one told me that it would be this hard... i guess thats way i am so easily infatuated bah... wanting to find a companion to support me... to guide me.. to tell me that she will be there for me no matter what... but i noe i cant... firstly, cos i cant compromise my studies for such a thing (wat a paradox.. cant live with it.. cant live without it...) and secondly, i'm just not gd enuff to get one. Seriously, i'm not self pitying... but its sorta a fact lah... we are all just so immatured and shallow and superficial... they say gals grow up faster?? i dun think so... many times , i think guys are more matured... guys like me, act immatured for the pure fun of it... y?? my little secret... haha...
A few things i wanna mention... today mr lim was telling how wenhui got this problem with her medicine that gives her severe side effects... my heart realli goes out to her... her illness is very unfortunate... think its depression.. i noe what its like.. haha... its not fun to go thrg it... terrible when u think of dying often... but more or less u grow up wuite a bit from it... u realise that there is more to life than just getting wat u want.. its wat u already have... and what u will be having that matters... they say u dun always grow up to be what u wanted to be... but at the end, its goin to alright.... just like all those fairy tales...
Second thing i wanna mention is that today, London was bombed... sighz... G8 summit begin today and yah i totally agree that they timed it for the G8 summit.. maybe even the IOC thing too... Blair is probably on his way back now... but u noe hor... i think its like a trap... they could easily wire somewhere along the route to kill him... but whether or not it is true, i dun noe... what i do noe is that they have made their statement... they can strike anywhere anytime... i dun think that spore will be attacked.. i NOE... without, its a matter of when not if... and i hope that i wont be involved in it directly... but if i did, i have always imagined myself as the hero... u noe... saving ppl... dun need to be recognised for it though... i just wanna save ppl... maybe its like a deja vu that god is giving me?? maybe?? who noes... only time will tell

A new day begins

Ok... dotz... today is the new day at sch.. oh man... tried my very very very best not to slp.. but still dozed off!!! its kinda boring listening to the teachers.. haha...yah...but seriously speaking.. i was looking thrg the chem today, the objectives yah??? They thot us like all the nonsense lah... haha... so slping wasnt that bad after all!!! BUT!!! must keep awake lah.. its the last leg of the race.. like the bible said..." i have fought the good fight, i have completed the race, i have kept the faith..." i must do the same thing...
Sighz... today is like the rehearsal day for the college day... i was wondering what would have happened had i joined another cca or in this case put in more effort... to be frank, i still think i have gd leadership qualities... seriously... i noe some ppl dun feel that way lah... i totally agree!!! cos its my fault... but i do feel misunderstood... i'm some one who cant do anything rite if i dun feel the passion for something... to me, odac is like a passing thrg kinda thing. I didnt realli feel any attachment or even commitment to it... i guess it all started when they called me arrogant bah.... shld have known... to be frank, (i noe this sounds very irresponsible) but i think i shldnt have joined odac... cos i'm not realli very interested in what they do... and most importantly, MY POST!!! argh!!! i knew from the start that it was a post of blaming... i was handled the store with no idea what to do with it... it was like starting from scratch lah!!! i have never done serious logistics before and its not as easy as most ppl think... there is so much to do and so much to think abt... so yah i screw up... but i do learn from it.. and i guess i came out pretty gd after all... so i've promised myself... must must must hand it down properly... the next QM must neva have to go thrg what i did... he will get recognition for what he has done... and he will assist the pres to make odac even beta than what it was or what it ever will be....
Ok back to reality... today.. i saw her... i felt this deep sadness just thinking of her with someone else... i do realli like her... then suddenly i snapped out... i was thinking to myself what i was doing with my life... how stupid, immatured and dumb i could be... how could i allow a gal to rule over my life man... yes i like her... but face it man!!! she's with someone else... and even if she wasnt, she wouldnt like me... i'm not close to her and also, i'm still so kiddy.. haha... what i need to learn to do is to let go of what i fear to lose and grow up!!! i'm sure that somewhere out there, there will be someone who likes me and whom i like too rite?? life isnt goin to be too bad... of cos i feltsad the whole day lah.. haha but ok lah... tml... promise promise myself that i will NOT feel sad.. i will be the happy me!!! so that my frens will feel happi toking to me too....
Oh yah one last thing... got this stupid thing leh... learning fest... erm.. to be frank actually its not that dumb lah.. i'm just saying that for the pure fun or saying it.. its quite a gd and interesting idea actually... not many ppl actually have thot of that before... and must give credit to Mrs Ng for being able to get such a large event organised properly... realli wanna learn how she does it but its like off limits to students lah... haha... thinking abt joining the "who killed mr X"... sounds cool... but some ppl think its dumb.. that their problem lah... dun care them...
K... this is a supa dupa long blog... but who cares.. no one noes abt it... will tell a few selected ppl lah.. cos its like my diary... onli my closest frens shld ever noe.. haha...

The Beginning

Finally!!! seventeen and i haven even had a blog... oh my goodness!!! But like they say its better late than never rite?? actually its not that i wanted one to show off or something... just decided that hey... maybe its time to keep a journal or something?? on my life... after all... if all goes well, i'm hoping that its goin to be real cool.. i mean my life.

So this is where it all begins.. it starts afresh.... time to grow up face facts.. face life.. so often we focus on the negatives and missed out on the good stuff... lik our friends or family... our school work... hahaha... at least for me its mainly school work lah... my life is kinda revolving around it... some ppl think its uncool.. well... u noe i dun realli care what ppl say... its my life... hey as long as the majority of ppl is fine with it, i'm not goin to change a thing... wait!!! as a matter of a fact, even if they have a problem with it, i noe its rite... so haha... dun realli care...

Oh man.. this is seriously a bad time to start a blog.. had to rush thrg this... got CSI... must watch ppl!!! haha.... tml is a brand new day in school.... promise myself i wont slp, will listen in class and do all my hmwk liao... haha... guai kid??? thats me... hahaha...nitez