Mr lonely

aiyo... today dun noe why feel so melancholic... just it was like a premonition bah... got back my chem MCQ today... only 13 leh!!! bish bish... i noe some ppl tell me that i shld be satisfied abt it lah... but seriously man... i'm an S paper student... i'm not expecting something so bad out from me lah!!! what abt my scholarship... and that got me thinking... i sometimes qn my sanity... why on earth did i choose to take up two s papers?? for a scholarship?? that crazy lah... look at my pw and chinese... slog my butt off anf still got 2 lah... to be frank, pw i was realli prepared to put it down lah... i seriously dun realli need it very very much.. but.. i was in a grp where ppl didnt wanna get things done... if i didnt do it, who will??? can bei ning handle it alone?? i dun think so... so i cant just watch them go down rite?? i'm not trying to play hero here. In fact, no one will ever noe why i did wat i did lah... i didnt do it for me.. i did it for them... but sadly, i only got a 2... and i neglected odac so mr lam isnt too happi. not hoping for a gd testimonial any more.. sighz... there goes the scholarship... will still try for it lah... but man... unless i do supa well for the interview, they will never accept me lah... i noe... only way i can make up for it, is to do supa well for the As... MUST get 4As and 2 s paper distinction... even if it drives me mad... i cannot let myself down again... sighz....
Feeling very lonely the whole day... its like there is something missing in my life... its like kinda difficult trying to get on with life alone u noe?? like... i noe my parents care for me lah.. but they dun noe what i'm goin thrg... sure they may have gone thrg what i did... but thats like so long ago.. they forgot what i feels like... I'm very alone... no one to turn to, no one to confide in... no one to tell me that i can carry on... i tried goin on like that from sec 3... but its like getting harder and harder to do so... i will face it... i'm sure... the choice to live a happy-go-lucky life is no longer a choice of mine... when i decided to become a mugger... i knew that this was the life i was goin to face.. for my future i will endure... but no one told me that it would be this hard... i guess thats way i am so easily infatuated bah... wanting to find a companion to support me... to guide me.. to tell me that she will be there for me no matter what... but i noe i cant... firstly, cos i cant compromise my studies for such a thing (wat a paradox.. cant live with it.. cant live without it...) and secondly, i'm just not gd enuff to get one. Seriously, i'm not self pitying... but its sorta a fact lah... we are all just so immatured and shallow and superficial... they say gals grow up faster?? i dun think so... many times , i think guys are more matured... guys like me, act immatured for the pure fun of it... y?? my little secret... haha...
A few things i wanna mention... today mr lim was telling how wenhui got this problem with her medicine that gives her severe side effects... my heart realli goes out to her... her illness is very unfortunate... think its depression.. i noe what its like.. haha... its not fun to go thrg it... terrible when u think of dying often... but more or less u grow up wuite a bit from it... u realise that there is more to life than just getting wat u want.. its wat u already have... and what u will be having that matters... they say u dun always grow up to be what u wanted to be... but at the end, its goin to alright.... just like all those fairy tales...
Second thing i wanna mention is that today, London was bombed... sighz... G8 summit begin today and yah i totally agree that they timed it for the G8 summit.. maybe even the IOC thing too... Blair is probably on his way back now... but u noe hor... i think its like a trap... they could easily wire somewhere along the route to kill him... but whether or not it is true, i dun noe... what i do noe is that they have made their statement... they can strike anywhere anytime... i dun think that spore will be attacked.. i NOE... without, its a matter of when not if... and i hope that i wont be involved in it directly... but if i did, i have always imagined myself as the hero... u noe... saving ppl... dun need to be recognised for it though... i just wanna save ppl... maybe its like a deja vu that god is giving me?? maybe?? who noes... only time will tell