a saint.... forever more...

today, the SAV is complete... the school i so dearly love.. has finally come home... i can still remember the days i had... when i was just this small little boy goin to school with an oversized back pack.. and a ton of books in the bag... there i met some ppl like yk brandon yd ben lee... ppl i have called frens for over 12 yrs... man.. thats damn long... realli miss them.. realli miss the class.. the times we shared..

now, sch life is over.. for now.. next 2 yrs, army... and looking back at the 12 yrs i have had in sas, i feel somewat happy and yet sad... seeing how much i have grown.. and how much i haven.. haha.. i wonder... where will i be goin in the future.. when will i do the things that i will do... what are the things that i will do.. life is so uncertain.. and yet uncertainty is life... somehow it seems that life is never smooth sailing... and the rough waters are never ending... but somehow we always get thrg it all..

one day i know it will be all worth it. u noe i realise that i'm not goin to do great stuff.. i'm not goin to be on fortune magazine.. nor am i goin to be some great adventurer.. i'm just goin to be me... plain old me.. somehow.. it doesnt feel that bad either.. haha... i MUST learn to brighten up... i dun noe when i started building this emotionless wall arnd me... like i dun allw myself to say thx... or welcome or things like that... cos i always got bullied in the past.. haha.. damn.. sucks to be fat.. and dumb.. haha... have to change.. have to change... NITEZ

blog flog

ah... having a bit of a blog flog... that means i just dun blog much.. haha too much have been goin on liao.. haha... chalet.. then this outing that outing... go check some places out.. go buy stuff... bish... not much time to go online much less blog... haha..

anyway.. i wanna thx the odac guys for the basket ball!!! haha.. i keep playing at home cos always raining.. i think my neighbour downstair not happy also haha....

AND i wanna thx the odac gals... for the wonderful shirt... haha.. like it a lot.. cos i mainly have polo.. now change style liao haha... and thx for the dinner too... very nice.. haha... odac gals can COOK!!! haha.. actually not surprised lahh... "gals with great virtues" haha..... gtg NITEZ

revelations

today i went to KINO.. and did some thinking.. haha i noe.. weird place to think abt stuff... but i was quite awe struck by the variety of the books there.. i dun noe why i never noticed that in all the book stores and in knio b4... but suddenly, i felt that my pursuit of knowledge suddenly seem so meagre... so small.. i noe now that as much as i like, i cannot truly learn the many things that i hope to be learning...

Today, i realised that wat i had previously thot was wrong.. i cannot rely on the sciences to feed me or to challenge me anymore... engineering, will be little more than a hobby ofor me in the future even though i believe that the relativity theory is pre occuring my mind... it seems that in my heart, i always knew that finance was the better part of life... i always hoped beyond hope that i will be able to get a scholarship.. noe i noe its not possible.. fi for one thing, ironically, studying caused my eye sight to increase so badly, that my studying was in vain.. if nothing more, it only served to allow me to satisfy my intectual needs... i also now noe tha ti cannot learn wat i cannot practise. it may seem such a simple thing, but often, it is the simple things we tend to take for granted... i have a new future planned out..

1. i intend to take ACCA in the army.. so when i come out, i will have an accountancy degree
2. join the CPA... even during the uni... it will prove to be very useful.
3. take a engineering degree in the uni... more for the interaction and contacts then the degree itself.
4. Join the CFA.
5. continual upgrading myself...

DAmn.. i dun think i'm gonna like accountancy... but life isnt about wat u can live with.. its abt wat u cant live without... NITEZ

Positive thinking

HAHA my mortal sent me this which i thot was very meaningful:

Positive thinking is like this.

A little bird in the sky,

You look up and it shits in you eye.

You dont mind and you dont cry,

You just thank GOD that cows dont fly!

Thot it was damn funny hahaha NITEZ

testimonial

today collected my testimonial... reallli very disappointing testimonial.. i was realli disappointed... nothing that could make me stnad out.. it was just OK... just OK... it was worse to see such a short paragraph on odac... and suddenly.. i realise that i have achieved nothing that i can be truly prove off...

I just found out my old problem is back... i think its more serious this time round.. i dun noe... maybe i shld go see someone abt it... but i dun want my parents to noe.. yah? dun want them to be worried... i dun noe.. i realli dun noe... BUAIZ

Tuesdays with Morrie

Been reading this book called "tuesday with morrie"... erm... a lot of ppl have heard of it.. and i can say very frankly, the person has a very interesting outlook on life. In a sense, some of what is written in it, i have spent an awful lot of time thinking abt b4... esp the part abt wat we are looking for in life... but quite frankly, at least for us, or maybe me... barely 18... wat have we experienced in life that renders us fully able to comprehend the book? most of us have not experienced death second hand nor have we been exposed to the harsh realities of working life. So, to be very very honest, i dun quite noe what to do with this information that i have with me. On one hand, i know and believe that i have this opportunity. To work realli hard and to become a successful businessman, researcher or what not.. if i tried hard enuff.. and i believe everyone has this chance. But on the other hand, i have the opportunity to let that go and just live life peacefully, goin to far reaches of places to do volunteer work and basically just see places...

For one thing, i noe how hard i have to work to get the former's success. I practically wasted 4 yrs trying to get good grades. Only to find out that 4 yrs from then, that it doesnt realli matter anymore. So what if i have gd grades? if i have scholarships? i lost so very very much... i lost contact with my parents. i lost friendships and social skills. I lost time and i lost my eye sight to books... and for that matter, i lost myself when i burying myself alive in academic pursuits and these are things that are far far far more importnat to gd grades. Now more than ever, i'm convinced that such material success, if it can be called success at all, is meaningless. Now that JC has ended, i suddenly find myself lost. Where do i go from here? Who do i count on? Wat do i do? I realli dont noe... I dun noe who i am. Wat i am... quite frankly now, i dun even noe if i want a military career. And true torture comes when u are doin it alone... how did i let myself slip to this??? so bend on studying i rejected anyone in life.. farnie isnt it? how ppl always wanna get gd results? but i will trade them all to live a life like yours.

Tml will be a new day. I hope i will learn to pick up the pieces from there. Change things. Amazing how blogging can help me straighten my thoughts. I feel relieved and de-stressed liao. I know what i must do... Where i will go... Tml i will be wat i haven been in a long long time... happy.... NITEZ

ah yes... back from krabi... erm.. a few unfortunate events happened that made it less enjoyable.. but still, it was realli enjoyable.. i realli realli enjoyed it much much more than i did the first time.. HAHA....

DAY 1:
Landed in krabi. then we went to the emerald pools... erm... went there b4 so to me lah... it was erm.. a bit less inviting to enter the pool and swim to haha.. i didnt swim.. but one thing for sure, i love my sandals!! cos u see hor. the track is a mud track.. so it was very muddy.. not surprisingly.. so yah.. cos it was raining too.. then the road was realli reali muddy. so while a lot of ppl were slipping.. i didnt! cos my sandals damn chai.. haha.. i dun care liao.. erm.. next time buying the same sandals.. haha

DAY 2:
did a lot of kayaking.. haha.. i paired with zw.. and HAHA i always hit her head.. so sry abt that.. i never meant it.. but just that its like a natural reflex to go low yah? esp when i wanna move the boat around fast so very very sry yah? i noe it kinda spoilt ur mood by a lot

basically throughtout the kayaking i paddled non-stop.. haha... never stop unless they ask me to.. partly cos i wanted to train my trap... in the end, i ended up with cramps here and tehre LOL!!! lousy lah...

DAY 3:
rock climbing today.. bish.. i was very disappointed.. i noe i can finish a lot of the walls but i didnt... becos b4 i started, i kept telling myself i couldnt.. and i also let my fear of heights overcome me.. wat the shit.. haha... but at least i manage to complete one of the walls... better than nothing

DAY4:
island hopping.. haha.. actually nothing much to write lah.. a lot of frisbee.. i realli love frisbee haha...

DAY5:
shopping!!! bought a lot of stuff..my favourite is the pouch!! i dun think its real lah.. but its worth it hahaha... cos its only $10 hahaha think i will wear it to run to shop to go out.. haha.. everything lah haiz...

DAY6:
tiger cave.. haha nothing much lah...

sry no mood to write.. some unhappy stuff happening.. NITEZ

krabi thailand

yay!!! now at the airport typing a quick blog now... so leaving son.. hahaha tiger airways... the budget typ... no drinks so have to tahan for some time.. haha... anyway.. i gtg liao BUAIZ

club wat

went to club yesterday.. erm.. actually under 18 so had to use jm's link to get in.. HAHA... clubbing very bad hor.. haha.. but in any case, just to look see onli lah. i noe for one thing i'm not a very clubby guy.. haha... makes no sense to club... dun noe leh... not very fun.. and i think i weird myself out.. i went there and then i spend most of the time looking while dancing and seeing how stuff are run.. like bartenders... bouncers... tickets.. the approx cost... freelancers... DJ.. ok i haven figured the DJ out cos i didnt even get to see him... i'm just glad they didnt get cold flow.. HAHAHA.. i think his mixes suck... no offense man... but u always have critics in life...

tml goin krabi liao.. actually been there before liao.. i cannot tahan liao.. i'm quite torn... u see hor... we will visit the emerald pond on the first day. i've been in it b4.. the floor is slimy... pokes u... and disgusting.,. so i dun feel like goin in.. but if i dun go in, it will be a bit pai seh.. somemore, last time i went in, i laughed so hard, i couldnt get out.. HAHA... so dun noe leh.. see if i can back out.. aiyah dun wry s72 and odac! i will buy stuff back for u all... haha.. those dog shit? yah.. very nice... BAUIZ

had the odac chalet yesterday.. BASKET! haha... again hor the fire cannot start.. or rather didnt start very well.. dun noe why.. must be a curse lah.. haha.. but then hor, after it started, it was a success!! yay! actually too successful... it burnt a hole thrg the aluminium container.. HAHA.. actually i expected that lah... it happened a couple of times at my uncle's place liao... and then it caused a lot of fires.. so the food turned out burnt.. a bit burnt lah.. but actually hor.. the chicken burnt liao quite nice.. cos its very crispy.. yummy.. hahah.. and i realise hor.. actually the j1s not bad lah... haha.. can set fire.. and they cook the sting ray damn nice lah.. just nice.. haha.. not too overcooked like ours.... so ok lah.. can pass lah.. haha..

the j3s were also there sia.. haha.. then dun noe who hor.. go around telling ppl i wanna join the army.. as in sign on.. haha.. then joel and mingjun come down and suan me.. HAHA.. they suan until very jialat lah.. then they go and tell mr ho also HAHAHA.. they asked him "sir! will u advise him(me) to join the army?" i look at mr ho face striaght away noe that he will not advise lah.. bish... i said i wanna go join army if and onli if i get the scholarships lah.. can do the duei career thingy.. and i agree lah.. the army is not a place to be if u arent a scholar.. cos u are not goin to learn very much abt the outside world and the corporate world.. yah? so if i dun get the scholarship, i wont join lah...

anyway, i realised something. i'm not a very interestng person to tok to.. HAHA.. actually i noe that a long time ago lah.. cos wat i have up in my head, is totally different from wat other ppl have.. and i dun noe anyone quite like me.. so i'm unique? or maybe a little eccentric haha... esp when i'm tired.. i tok nonsense.. the stuff comes out my mouth and dun get processed first.. HAHA... will see if i can change that.. stupid.. i think partly cos i mugged my life away.. argh.. nvm.. can change one.. must implant humor.. haha..

ah.. tml is the grad nite.. dun noe why everyone calls it prom.. haha.. like so erm.. ang moh... still dun noe where is it leh.. audrey refuses to reply me.. HAHA.. since this morning.. msg her agian now.. no jacket for me.. dad wanna use.. so me and me shirt.. haha.. not goin to style my hair.. haha.. i noe that yc and kc are lah.. but aiyah.. my style is no style.. or rather nerd style.. no point trying to change my apperance for one nite and remaining the same for the next 60 yrs.. HAHAHA... just hope the food is gd.. cos i'm hungry... hahaha...

gg to jog now.. hopefully i can use this time to sort out some thoughts yah? k BUAIZ... no more NITEZ for now...

die die must try

ok man.. i'm goin to the odac bbq.. hehe... ok man die die must set the fire liao.. cannot let the gals look down on the odac guys ARGH!!!! dun understand.. class one can set.. odac there cannot.. haha.. must do it.. haha.. die die must try... oh yah.. haah i notice thopse nnc dudes who join odac are part C pc ps and apcs. haha i have to go confirm today.. very interesting..

ok.. two days after the class chalet liao and stll very tired.. i dun noe why.. usually by today can recover liao.. but now cannot.. haha.. i think not enuff water.. dotz...

and hor.. haha hf an yz finally got a blog liao!! actualy yz very long just that i didnt noe.. haha.. anyway.. i didnt notice.. cos wc wrote on her links there.. bestie.. i click on bestie come out "thecatgotmytongue.blogspot.com" so i was like.. erm.. cheryl? cannot be.. hf? also cannot be wat.. doubt she will come out with such a stupid name.. (no offense man denise) and guess what.. its hf.. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA dotz.... nvm..

got my hair cut liao.. the guy there cut damn long.. 20 mins!! ahaha.. but at least it's one of the better ones.. even though on me, a bad hair cut is as gd as a gd one.. haha... at least its not too long and not too short.. yesh!

dotz.. the gals rejected the idea of the guys picking them up.. haiz.. haha.. nvm.. save me time too.. and can go for the post prom party.. yah.. i think i wont tell my paretns.. less one problem better.. haha.. just say i hang out with my frens.. haha.. a bit the not very guai.. but oh well.. not like i was always very guai haha..

i read a book today.. chanced upon it.. out of hundreds of books, the first one that caught my eye, was "if i'm so wonderful, why am i still single(unattached)" it wasnt like the front row of bks yah.. like the middle row in the centre.. so it being the first bk that caught my eye, gave me the impression that it may be worth the read.. so i pick up the bk.. turn to one page.. it says "most of the time, if u ask that qn, ppl will tell u, u will meet one eventually" aiyah something like that lah.. and quite frankly, its true.. haha.. but the rest of the bk is crap.. haha.. doesnt work.. doesnt make sense.. maybe its me.. or maybe i just dun believe in self help bk... bish

quite tired, very very tired.. i dun noe.. a bit difficult to move on.. i dun noe what is in store for me in the future.. and i dun have the luxury of "letting things run its course" like others.. its difficult to maintain control and steer yah? i dun noe.. and its tough fighting a one man battle.. i've made a very difficult choice.. i hope its a right one.. i hope i dun regret it.... and more importantly, i hope that wat comes out, is what will benefit me the most.. sacrifice.. why must my life be so full of it.. to do what i have to, i give up what i want to.. that sucks like shit... gg to bbq liao.. BUAIZ

damn tired hahaha

oh man.. the chalet just over yesterday.. after 12hrs of slp, i'm still very tired.. haha.. after all.. i did a lot of stuff in the chalet.. haha.. erm.. basketball.. soccer.. and the frisbee wah lao. that one is the killer.. haha.. cos have to run up run down.. damn tiring.. hehehe.. i think maybe playing frisbee in the odac chalet also gd yah?

erm.. learn to play mahjong too... in a way, very mathematical.. i got to apply a bit of game theory in the games.. hehe... but bascially everyone does it.. but they just dun noe it.. hehehe... oops.. haha.. anyway. very enjoyable lah the chalet.. wanted to go kayaking.. but it was very late lah.. so i didnt wanna go off and leave the chalet alone.. then left with eric only to set fire meh.. haha.. so i stayed to do it lor... anyway, kayak until so many times.. i think one time can pass lah.

borrowed starcraft.. yay.. haha... never realli got a chance to play last time so now can chiong.. haha..

i was thinking whether maybe sometimes i seem a bit chiong yah? like i purposely do a lot of stuff and overwork my self.. haha.. actually i dun noe why leh.. i think maybe i'm training me self to work? cos like in the future life isnt goin to be so easy so maybe i wanna train up now? i dun noe.. jhaha... weird weird dey.. haha.. but i noe when i get tired, i get very irritaable.. haha.. so i do blow up sometimes for some apparently unknown reason.. hmm.. bbq? haha.. sry sry.. anyway.. satr craft!!! NITEZ