YAY!!! I did it!!!

ok man!! today i learnt that i have accomplished what i had always set out to do in JC... and i did it!!! yippee... its a very great personal achievement.. even if i wasnt truly authentic... oh well... now we live on and move towards the As...

Haiz.... two more days.. i think very few ppl truly understand the pain it feels to leave sa like me... the SAS guys esp... we have stuck thrg thick and thin in this sch... it is wat we call home... and there is this love for it... even though we sorta hate it as well... but i mean, this is where i grew up.. where i belong... i fell down here... i picked myself up here... where i was fat stupid dumb ugly weak.. and where i also was strong smarter better looking and slimmer.. its where my love is and where my heart stays... and to leave it, bring me a sense of sorrow and worse... a sense of lost... suddenly everything i knew is goin to change.. i'm not goin to be a saint must longer... and in a way, god is now making me more independent... there wont be some place to turn to, no one to lay back on... its me and me alone... and it kinda makes me feel more lonely then i have ever... sighz... and life goes on....


I saw alvin's nick today... he said that he would give up his sanity for grades.. i was like... haha... i wonder how many ppl are willing to exchange lives with me... and if they did, would they wanna exchange back?? i think they would.. you will be surprise at how much i have lost... haiz... sometimes, the trade off just isnt worth it... but like i always say... its not a choice anymore... its an inevitable...

i was thinking also whether i believed in fate... well.. i can seriously say NO! fate is a loser's way of surrenderring... and damn it.. if i had surrended, if i had resigned to my fate, i would be here today... i turned a fucked up low ass life upside down and inside out.. fate is what u determine. its what u make.. and fuck it... i have learnt the true power of the mind... the power of wanting something so bad.. u will give up everything for it.. and i will accomplish greater things in life.. if not because i'm fated, then because i make it that way...

I leave you with a little quote. one that i have lived by for a long time unwittingly... its by achilles in troy: " i want what every man want. I just want it a little more..." more... thats what i want... NITEZ