I will not sit back and let u take me down.. i will fight.. and i will win

I realli cant figure out life... the mysteries behind it.. and since the prelims ended, i have been thinking abt it... I once wondered if maybe companionship was the key.. maybe.. i dun noe.. i'm still so immatured to fully comprehend life to its fullest.. i hope one day i will..

then i was thinking to myself. Life is such a complicated thing... its so complicated that i just cant name u one specific complicated issue... but it is... and to those who say life is simple, maybe its just because u have a simple mind.. or u choose to view the world differently from me... but i think life is complicated and maybe thats what makes it interesting.. not noeing everything... making mistakes.. and learning to live with it..

I was also thinking abt what is maturity... i came up with this theory.. or rather.. philosophy... maturity is allowing ur mind to be like a book.. useful when its opened... but at the same time, not allowing it to fickle with the wind... so far... the theory has been proven wrong yet... and i hope never.. but can i live up to it yet? not yet.. i haven experienced life enough to. so let me live thrg it one step at a time.. one day.. eventually, it will come..

Thinking about love too.. sighz... yah i do wish for a close fren.. someone who understands me.. fine.. u want me to admit it? k... i'm lonely.. no denient... i've been pretty much alone all my life.. mom and dad loves me i noe.. but they arent my frens... not in that way... GOD? of cos.. he's my best fren.. but he's like email... talks back 3-4 days later... guess its hard when u have 5-6 billion best frens... damn it... i realli regret... i shld have taken care of my depression prob when i had the chance.. now its a stupid thorn in the flesh... yah i noe.. u tell me ppl who have depression dun usually noe rite.. but suicide doesnt seem like a normal reaction to life is it?... haha... i'm not seeing a psycharist... thas just plain stupid.. i can handle it myself... i think... hahah this is ironic... i'm not alone at being alone.. HAHAHA...

lastly.. for some reason i was thinking abt like fatherhood... and abt life... i'm goin to take back everything that life has deprived me... everything and more.. i dun hate life... but too much has been taken away... i heard this phrase that was very very very meaningful to me.. "there is a point when u bear and u bear and u bear so much but it just isnt helping... and thats when u have to fight back... u noe what.. i'm at that point"... i will prove that there is more.. i will prove that i'm not just anybody.. i'm some one.. and im some one u cannot imagine.. i will win.. and i will not lose... i now noe why god took everything away... because i have nothing to lose.. and a person who has nothing to lose.. has everything to gain.. so he will win... some how...... NITEZ...